The Journaling Stan

Describe an emotion

Thoughts at random but still centered around the source of the emotion. They ricochet and multiply, splitting into other thoughts…

It’s confusing because I can see it happening but I can’t do anything about it. Not immediately.

I freeze and I’m stuck. Sort of how a tuning fork stays stuck vibrating for a moment.

By time I realize I’m anxious, the damage is already done. I’ve already acted within it, and I misrepresent myself. I’m much smarter when I’m calm. My thoughts are clear when I’m calm, allowing me to operate at my peak…

Physically, anxiety is internally hot. It’s like my blood turns into icy-hot and it circulates everywhere. My muscles tense. I feel tight in my jaw. I am clinched, all over.

(How do I even endure that??)

I can hear and see everything but I can’t process and translate it properly. I can’t take whatever is happening in front of me and respond to it how I want. Not when I’m frozen, resonating in anxiety with the sound of bouncing thoughts.

I pass through this feeling regularly, it’s my normal. What hurts is that I don’t deserve that.

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