The Journaling Stan

Write about how different you were five years ago…

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Five years ago today was 04/19/2017. During that time, I was very depressed an anxious following a traumatic incident.

I was someone who did not feel like she had real control and influence in her life. I went through everyday waiting for things to happen to me; never for me.

I was working hard to salvage a lifestyle I didn’t really even want. I was confused, depressed, angry, and at times — numb and emotionless.

I never thought to honor my emotions at that time. I was threatened by all the feelings I was having…,

and not having.

I just couldn’t wait to go forward in time because I knew my life would be different.

I wasn’t as protective of my energy. I tolerated things I wouldn’t tolerate today. I let things slide that I wouldn’t today.

I was very, very different.

My values and goals were misaligned. I wanted things that I was “supposed to” pursue and today, I’m going after things that I know will lead to fulfillment – regardless of what people have to say about it.

I was less secure in how I looked. I thought about others opinions more often. Today, I don’t care if someone thinks I’m a mess. I’m not required to give people beauty and glam just because I am woman. Clean cloths and good hygiene are enough.

I didn’t honor myself and care about myself then as much as I do today. I didn’t believe in myself. I thought I was at the mercy of whatever happened to me – an unlucky person who was unsure about the future.

Today, I protect my peace. I keep small circles of people that I like.

I no longer tolerate BS thinking it’s “wrong” to stand up for myself. I honor my emotions now – giving myself space to feel what I want without deciding that the emotion is inappropriate or wrong for the situation.

I feel like I’m crafting my life like an art project rather than just waiting for things to happen to me and I feel optimistic about the future.

Sometimes I questions the optimism because I’m not used to being this positive.

It’s weird because it’s different but I like it. If I saw me today five years ago, I would have felt very at ease.

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